We're Not the Sanzo Party!
by Asato Sohma
Summary: When the Merciful Goddess decides to liven things up, can the Sanzo party help the group of youths from the British Isles? Harry PotterSaiyuki crossover fic
1. From the Saiyuki side

**Author's Greeting: Hiyo! Just to clarify: Harry Potter and Saiyuki crossover. I came up with it at work one day and the idea never left me. I don't own HP or Saiyuki. I am a broke college student. HP belongs to J.K. Rowling (who I believe is the richest woman in England, or something like that...) while Saiyuki belongs to... Mine--- somebody. I'm too lazy to go and find out the exact name.**

**Anyway... this first chapter starts out with only Saiyuki.**

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The sun beat down as it did every day. The land before them shimmered like a continuous mirage. If only this land really was a mirage. At least then there wouldn't be such a feeling of complete and utter desolation. Sure, it may have been fun for the Merciful Goddess to send them off together, a group of guys that knew exactly how to get on each other's cases. They'd been together for 500 some-odd years; they just didn't know it yet.

"Hey, jerk-weed, stay on your half of the jeep!" Son Goku's irritatingly grating voice squawked as it had been squawking on and off for the last hour and a half. The recipient, the crimson-haired, half-breed kappa, was quick to retaliate.

"I am on my half, you demented monkey!" Sha Gojyo, at 23 years old, should have known better than to act like a kid, but it was merely wishful thinking that he would ever grow up. He still caved in when the 18-year-old monkey king got on his nerves. True, Goku had been imprisoned for 500 years in a cave, and so was technically the oldest of them all, but then again, Goku wasn't quite human. Nor was he really a demon, not with those golden eyes.

"I'm not demented! If anyone's demented, it's you. I think the heat's getting to you. You're way over on my side of the jeep! And don't call me monkey!" Goku pointed out the "line" that divided the back of the jeep into two.

"Like hell that's my half! Look, I'll explain this to you slowly: I'm bigger than you, therefore I get the bigger half." As if to emphasize this fact, the water sprite stretched out even more across the back of the jeep.

"Hey! Get your ass on your own side!" Goku proceeded to pound Gojyo with his fists, which only made Gojyo retaliate in kind. The jeep bounced more fiercely as the fighting in the back grew more rigorous. The passengers in the front of the jeep remained silent for a moment. Finally, Cho Hakkai, behind the wheel turned to look at the face of his other companion.

"Well, Sanzo, what should we do about them?" His green eyes danced with mischief. He was in a surprisingly goofy mood, Sanzo noted. Hakkai rarely thought it a good idea to pull pranks on the other two. The blonde monk scratched his head. He could use a laugh.

"Whatever, man. Just do something quickly to teach those two a lesson."

"Yes, sir." Hakkai grinned. His mind raced with the possibilities of what he could do to the bickering children in the backseat. He decided that his driving was something that he hadn't traumatized them with in a long time. It wouldn't be too hard to convert their yelling at each other to yells of terror. He began to increase the speed of the jeep, much to Hakuryu's displeasure, but the little dragon-jeep obeyed his master completely. Hakkai then proceeded to seek out every bump in the road possible and when the next turn off came to reach the next town, he didn't slow down at all. He just cranked the wheel as hard as he could and floored the gas pedal.

"HOLY SHIT!" Goku and Gojyo screamed, clinging to each other for dear life. Hakkai didn't slow down. He just laughed and kept driving. Then he realized that he'd missed the next turn to get to the town. He slammed on the brakes. Gojyo and Goku suddenly found themselves as front-seat passengers.

"Get off me." Sanzo snapped.

"Hey, don't yell at me, baldy. Hakkai's the one who slammed on the brakes!" Gojyo began trying to climb out of the front seat, but as Goku had landed on top of him, it was rather difficult. Finally, he managed to reach a semi-sitting position. Hakkai shifted into reverse and floored the accelerator again. Goku and Gojyo fell back into the front seat. Hakkai looked over his shoulder, beyond their flailing limbs to make sure he didn't hit anything. Without slowing, he shifted back into drive, making the sharp turn onto the next side road. Goku and Gojyo landed in a heap in the back of the jeep again.

"Dammit, Hakkai! What's the big idea!" Gojyo leaned his face close to Hakkai's.

"Oh, nothing. I just felt like hurrying to the next town. Plus, I felt like I was falling asleep with the same inane argument back there. I needed a change of pace."

"So, trying to kill us wakes you up?" Goku rubbed the back of his head where he'd smacked it against the jeep in flying backward.

"I never try to kill you guys. I just drive." Hakkai flashed them a grin. Sanzo fought to keep both a smile and the urge to vomit inside. Yes, he'd given Hakkai full permission to prank the idiots however Hakkai found fit, but Sanzo was awfully susceptible to carsickness.

"Like hell." Gojyo and Goku muttered under their breath. They lapsed into a sulky silence in the back, each on their own "half" of the jeep. The invisible line would've been clearly visible to anyone who looked at them. Hakkai's driving had been enough to shut them up and get them to behave. For that, Sanzo felt eternally grateful to Hakkai. Or rather, he'd be grateful to Hakkai until the idiots started up again.

They rode on in silence for several minutes, each lost in his own thoughts. It was peaceful for once. There were no youkai after them for the Maten Scripture and there was no Kougaiji to cause problems either. However, when you got right down to it, Kougaiji seemed to be an okay guy: while he did fight them and try to kill them every time that they met, he'd never actually succeeded, even though he'd had plenty of opportunities. It was like he didn't really want his enemies to die. Sanzo couldn't help but think Kougaiji had his own motives for keeping them alive. But that could just have been his usual distrust and paranoia acting up. While he always yelled for silence, the truth was that he hated the silence. It drove him insane. But he wasn't going to be the first person to break it. He already had an idea on who would speak up and what would be said. He and Hakkai exchanged a knowing glance.

"Man, how much further is it? I'm HUNGRY!" Goku piped up from the back, exactly as anticipated. Sanzo and Hakkai couldn't help but laugh. Gojyo shrugged and lit up a cigarette. "Huh? What's so funny? Guys? GUYS! Come on, tell me! What's so funny? Sanzo! You never laugh, so why are you laughing now?" Goku stretched across Gojyo a little to put his face between Hakkai and Sanzo's. "C'mon, tell me. Why are you laughing?"

"Man, you're like a broken record, you know that?" The cigarette dangling from his lips muffled Gojyo's speech.

"Say that again, kappa!" Goku yelled.

Gojyo slowly removed the cigarette from his mouth. "You… are….a….bro-ken….rec-ord…." He drew out every syllable to be as obnoxious as possible. As soon as he was finished speaking, he slipped the cigarette back into his mouth.

"That's it! I'm going to kill you!" Goku leapt forward to attack Gojyo.

"I'd like to see you try, monkey boy!"

And the fight was on. Somehow, it caused everyone to relax. They could never enjoy utter silence. They had never been in utter silence around each other. Not even those 500 years ago in their past lives during their time in heaven. No, not even then had there been silence around them.

From her vantage point in the heavens, the Merciful Goddess watched their progress in the pool before her. She had to smile as she reflected on how little any of them had changed over 500 years. Despite her firm belief that unchanging things were boring, she admitted that if these four changed drastically at all, she might cease to find them amusing. Maybe she should stir things up a bit, just to make sure that things weren't too comfortable…

Hakkai slowed when they drew near the town. He could feel Hakuryuu panting, even while in his jeep form. The dragon chirped in gratitude to his master. Goku and Gojyo looked up from their fight to inspect the town. The place was bustling and looked expensive. People wandered casually through the streets, as if they had nothing better to do than flaunt fashions that no one in their right mind would ever dream of wearing for any practical purpose. Still, shopping occurred quickly and without hesitation, except to haggle down prices. The townspeople seemed to enjoy this part of the shopping. Their faces lit up gleefully as they met the challenge of bargaining with the experienced shopkeepers, equally gleeful.

The smell of food was heavy in the air. Goku was nearly going crazy. Sanzo's poor fan looked more than fairly abused trying to keep the monkey king inline. The red-haired kappa did nothing to help the situation by watching with distinct interest as any woman with an even remotely noticeable figure passed by them. He made catcalls with a well-masked ventriloquism that made said women look at their group, particularly at Sanzo, with smiles and more than lustful glances. Sanzo felt like his temple was going to explode with the intensity of the vein that throbbed there.

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Author: Thanks for reading! Please review! 


	2. From the Harry Potter side

**Author: Hiyo! Chapter Two is here! Yeah, same night... er, morning. Whatever. This is purely Harry Potter stuff. Next chapter will be where things start to get more entertaining. Please Review... Um... Yeah... It's nearly 3 am where I am in the world. Man am I tired... but I just HAD to write!**

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**Meanwhile, in another dimension entirely, another moody blonde was also on the verge of an aneurysm. Draco Malfoy rubbed his pale temple gently. It did not do to have a headache as he did. Headaches cause frowning; frowning leads to wrinkles; Malfoys do NOT have wrinkles. The source of his pain was, as per usual, the Boy-Who-Lived and the Weasel. However, today the Gryffindor Golden Boy seemed more like a relieving presence than a cause. Instead, taking Potter's usual annoying place was, oddly enough, Neville Longbottom, a boy that took plants and Professor Snape far too seriously. The Weasel was most certainly NOT ceasing to be annoying. Draco sighed. This was NOT his day. He had been attempting to apologize for the past years of misdeeds, especially in light of Dumbledore's "death". That had shaken him out of his Death Eater-wannabe phase. Sure, the old coot had been annoying, but he hadn't deserved to be offed like that. (Not that he believed it, mind you… Snape wouldn't have actually killed the man, but he sure as hell wasn't divulging any part of the "plan" to Harry or to Draco…) 

Harry also rubbed at a temple. The old fights were starting to get annoying. And frankly, he could use all the allies he got, be it Malfoy or any other Slytherin. He was finally beginning to see what Dumbledore had meant when he had often lamented the disunity among Houses. It was time to put that all aside and join forces. Voldemort was coming, and he would prey upon their distrust of each other until they were all broken. He was, frankly, sick of Ron and Neville yelling at the Slytherin boy in front of them. Hermione had long gotten tired of it and had disappeared rather mysteriously with Blaise Zabini. Harry only half-heartedly listened to Ron and Neville proclaim that Malfoy was trying to lure Harry into making a deal with him and would then betray him to the Dark Lord. Could the argument GET any older!

"Look, Malfoy…" Harry began. Neville and Ron immediately stopped talking, looking smug. Now Malfoy was going to get it. "Just show them your arm so that they stop yelling. Prove you don't have the Dark Mark." Harry was tired and wanted a nap. His head hurt, but headaches and colds were the only things untreatable by magic, so Madame Pomfrey was out of the question. Neville and Ron looked a little flabbergasted.

"But, Harry, he's gotta be one of them. I mean, he's a Slytherin!" Ron pointed out.

"Yeah, come on. Don't you remember all the mean things he's done to us? First year, he took my Remember-all; Second year, his father gave Ginny that diary, and he practically cheered for the 'Heir of Slytherin'; Third year, he got Hagrid sent to Azkaban and nearly got Buckbeak killed, not to mention that stunt where he dressed up like a Dementor; Fourth year, he was just a bloody git; Fifth year he…." Neville added, becoming more and more impassioned as he spoke. Harry cut him off.

"Is that really necessary? I mean, we've done some pretty bad stuff in return. Right, Ron?" Harry looked pointedly at his tall, red-haired friend. He knew that Ron would understand the meaning: the breaking into Slytherin House to "question" the Slytherin Ice Prince about the Heir of Slytherin while using an illegal potion to do so, the attempted hexing of the slugs, etc. Ron merely took a page out of Malfoy's book and picked imaginary lint off of his robes. "I accept your apology, Malfoy. And we will ALL attempt to enter into some sort of truce, if you'll kindly accept my apology as well." Harry just wanted to get this over with. He didn't really want to be friends with the blonde, but he really didn't want to have to fight on two fronts either. If there was something that Muggle history had taught him, it could be summarized into two things: don't split the party's ticket and don't fight a war on multiple fronts.

Malfoy dropped the hand from his temple and extended it to Harry. "All right, Potter. I accept the truce. And as proof to your buddies here, I'll show you my arm." Draco and Harry shook hands briefly before Draco rolled up both sleeves of his robes and held them out to Neville and Ron. Pristine, alabaster skin gleamed up at them. "Satisfied, Weasel, er, Weasley?" Draco amended with difficulty. Ron reluctantly nodded. Draco let down his sleeves and yawned obviously. "Well, not that you all aren't fascinating, but I do believe that I have more important things to attend to."

"What, tormenting first years?" Neville shot out. Everyone looked a little surprised to hear Neville take on the bully that had plagued him almost worse than Professor Snape for all their years of school.

"No, Longbottom. I don't have that scheduled until after dinner." He flashed them all a wry smirk. "Currently, I am planning a rather long, complicated world takeover."

Ron stared at him blankly. Neville and Harry had caught the gleam of mischief and amusement in his eyes. It was a side they had never seen, but they decided to let Malfoy have his fun. Ron really needed to loosen up. Sure enough, Ron exploded.

"See! What did I tell you? He's an evil prat and will be until the day he dies!"

Neville and Harry snorted. Harry spoke up, helping Malfoy taunt Ron, for once. "Oh yes, Ron. Actually, the whole reason we've called this truce is because Malfoy has decided to let me be his right-hand man on his ruling council once he takes over. It's quite thrilling actually." Harry's dry tone was almost enough to make Malfoy smile. Almost.

"What! Are you suddenly going Dark on us, Harry?" Ron took the joke too seriously, as usual. Neville had to defend his friend against such ridiculous accusations.

"Oh, come off it, Ron. As if Harry would ever go Dark. Seriously. While he may not always have liked Dumbledore, he certainly wasn't about to join up with Voldemort. And can't you even recognize a joke when it's staring you in the face? Or has Malfoy been right about your brains being nonexistent all these years?"

"Neville! I can't believe you're saying these things! I mean, you're never assertive. Maybe you've just been playing the bungling idiot all this time. But, wait, that would imply that you could actually do Potions." Ron mock-mused.

"Shut up! Since when does my skill in Potions have anything to do with Harry going Dark?" Neville was indeed being more assertive than he had been in all his years at school. He was just finally sick of only being seen as timid and incapable; he was sick of feeling hopeless when he thought about his parents' condition. He just wanted to be braver, like Harry in his quest for vengeance for the deaths of his parents or even like Malfoy in his refusal to take the Mark.

"Well, considering that Snape is the teacher…"

"What! Quit changing the subject, Ron."

"I'm not! Snape is an easy connection to the Dark side."

Harry leaned over to Draco and whispered, "Dark Side? He makes this sound like a 'Star Wars' movie…"

Draco promptly and elegantly responded, "Say what? 'Star Wars'? 'Movie'?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Two words for you, my dear Draco," Harry's sarcasm was clearly evident to any who listened, "Muggle. Studies." Draco frowned and returned his attention to the bickering two before them. He had approached Harry with Blaise only since Blaise was unlikely to rush into a fight with the Weasel, unlike Crabbe and Goyle.

"You've been saying that since First Year, and NOTHING has ever come of it." Neville scoffed.

"Oh, come on! How many detentions has Harry gotten from the greasy git? How many House points does he continuously take from Gryffindor?" Ron's points were gradually becoming weaker.

"Look, Ron, the most that Snape could be is unjustly prejudiced. Sure, the man terrifies me and makes my life hell, but I don't think that means he's evil. Hell, my grandmother gives me just as much crap as he does, and SHE'S not Dark, now is she?"

Neville had a point. A few onlookers nodded their agreement. That woman was frightening, but was most assertive when it came to her views on Dark wizards. Harry and Draco felt their headaches coming back full force again.

"You think we should do anything about them?" Harry asked.

"Well, there's the killing curse…" Draco sounded almost wistful at the prospect. Harry nearly laughed.

"Somehow, I don't think that'll go over very well."

The argument continued to get louder and louder. Neville and Ron had conjured pillows and were beating each other with them to prevent any real damage from being done. But, the force with which they attacked sent feathers flying out of said pillows, showering everyone with the downy material. Draco's vein twitched irritably. He conjured something to beat the two with. Unfortunately, the first thing that came to mind was a paper fan.

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Author: Thanks for Reading. Now, if you don't mind... please Review for me! 


	3. The Merciful Goddess Gets Bored

**Author's Note: Special thanks to my small band of reviewers! You guys make me happy. Chapter is dedicated to Milky Etoile.**

**Milky Etoile: You were my first reviewer! Yay! Hence the dedication of this chapter. And I really do appreciate your support and promise to wait patiently for this story. Hope you likey!**

**Lady Threarah: Thanks for your comments. If I can figure out how to change that review setting, I will... Urgh! Haha! Anyway, I'm glad you like my style.**

**And Kyomi Narumi: glitter heart stars I have a fan! glomps! Thanks for the reviews!**

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The Merciful Goddess watched the two dimensions carefully. Her assistant joined her, as he often did.

"If you'll forgive my ignorance, I wonder if I might ask what you are doing?" He eyed the goddess with a bit of skepticism. She was plotting something. She just had to be plotting something. Sanzo was the reincarnation of her nephew Konzen. There was no way she couldn't be plotting something for him.

"Oh, just making things a little more interesting, I suppose. Did you know that in this other dimension over here there is a group of four that reminds me strikingly of our own group of hoodlums?" The Merciful Goddess gestured grandly at one half of the pond where Draco could be seen mercilessly attacking Neville and Ron with his newly conjured paper fan. Her assistant stepped forward and eyed the youths warily.

"Aren't they technically out of your jurisdiction?"

"Ha! Nothing is impossible for me!" She went off on a little chant and dance, exasperating her faithful attendant.

"I never thought that, Your Worship. But, they are in another dimension…"

"Pish. I've already made contact with the ruling deity over there, and he decided to let me do what I want with those four there in exchange for a favor later on." The Merciful Goddess waved her hand dismissively before rubbing her palms together. "Now, let's see what these four can do…"

Draco huffed in deep breaths, feeling remarkably better after hitting Ron and Neville over the head repeatedly with the fan. He banished it as it was beyond salvation. He allowed himself a small smile despite the present company. Harry had to keep from laughing at his Gryffindor friends as they rubbed their sore skulls. Ron and Neville were scowling at Draco, aching to get back at him.

"Well? Can we have a truce now?" Draco drawled after a few moments of enduring death glares. He stood taller than Neville by a few inches, met Harry inch for inch, and seemed diminutive compared to Ron, but his presence seemed to tower over all of them.

"S-sure, Malfoy." Neville spoke up quietly. He had to trust that Harry knew what he was doing when it came to the Ferret.

"Well, that's good to hear, Longbottom. I mean, after all, you've had a rough life. I'd hate to be the cause of any more pain. You come from a long time of powerful, pureblooded witches and wizards." Draco actually looked relieved that Neville had accepted the offer of a truce. He did feel bad for the boy: crazy parents that didn't recognize you and a harsh grandmother were too much for one person to have to deal with. It was enough to cause even the strongest of people to mess up the simplest of things. Maybe that's why Neville had so many problems. Neville eyed him with something bordering on awe. "How 'bout you, Weasel—y?" Draco was trying to be nice, he really was. The Weasleys were a good family if you could look past the issue of status. But, since Harry could do it, why couldn't he? After all, Draco strove to be better than Harry in everything.

"Hn." Ron grunted angrily, then shot a glance at Harry who had an eyebrow raised expectantly. "Fine. I suppose if you stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours as much as possible."

"That's all I ask." Draco couldn't keep the overtone of superiority out of his voice as he spoke. He turned to leave and rejoin his fellow Slytherins. But as he was about to step, a whirlwind swept through the hall. Draco, Harry, Ron, and Neville all shouted and tried to get out of the way of the menacing wind, but to no avail. They were caught up in it and whisked away.

"What do you think the likelihood of getting through this canyon without meeting any assassins is?" Hakkai asked, more as a joke than out of any seriousness, as he pointed to a spot on a map.

"You know it's not going to happen, and I know it's not going to happen, so why are we even discussing this?" Sanzo didn't even look up from his newspaper.

"True, but here's a question for you: fangirls or assassins?" Hakkai's amusement was evident as he easily sidestepped the whirling paper fan.

"Don't even joke about stuff like that." Gojyo piped up from his game of cards with Goku. "Fangirls are seriously scary shit. I mean, this one time…" He was cut off by a quick punch in the arm from Goku.

"Yeah, no one cares. Just leave it at 'fangirls are scary' and play the damn game!" Goku was grumpy: he hadn't eaten anything in close to two hours and so he was hungry… again. Gojyo was about to retaliate, but with a warning glance from Hakkai and a gun aimed at him from Sanzo, he wisely decided that now was not a good time to deal out justice, no matter how well-deserved. Instead, he turned his attention back to the cards half-heartedly.

"Wouldn't it be nice," Gojyo began wistfully after a few moments of nothing but Sanzo's and Hakkai's hushed whispers over the map, "if there were another Sanzo party? I mean one that could go West for us or at least deal with all the assassins for us so that we could get this task over with already? I mean, not that I don't LOVE doing this, but it's been a year and a half on the road with you losers, and I haven't had decent sex in at least two months."

"What are you talking about, you half-brained half-breed?" Sanzo barked irritably. He held up a hand and began counting. "There was the redhead with the freckles and green eyes, the pink-haired chick with the ferret fetish, that one girl with glasses who had an aversion to feet, a brunette who was a youkai assassin in disguise, a cross-dresser that even GOKU identified but you didn't."

"And don't forget when Gojyo got drunk and brought back that really ugly woman and her brother and slept with them both." Goku added, grinning wildly at Gojyo's increasing discomfort.

"Or the time that he convinced us to play drunk truth-or-dare with him, and we all ended up making out with him and then…" Three pairs of hands clamping over his mouth immediately cut off Hakkai's addition. All of their faces were strikingly pale.

"NEVER mention that again!" Sanzo warned in a low, strained voice. He yanked his hands out of the pile, causing the other two to lower their hands as well.

"Yeah, no kidding. As if I ever wanted to remember having your tongue down my throat…" Gojyo grimaced.

"Actually, Gojyo, if I recall correctly, and I WOULD as I'm NEVER drunk, you had your tongue down MY throat." Hakkai bristled slightly. He'd not even wanted to play the stupid game, having a sneaking suspicion as to the direction of the game. But, the other three were already so drunk that they needed a caretaker present or else they might fall to harm. Besides, Sanzo's gun is a very persuasive speaker when pressed firmly and unflinchingly against your temple…

"ALL RIGHT! I get the point! There's no need to go off on my sex life like that. I was just simply stating how nice it would be if there could be someone out there to do the work for us or make it a little easier." Gojyo hated when his best friend got angry at him. Not that he didn't deserve it most of the time, but it still sucked mondo or excessively or whatever adverb they were currently using...

"Tea?" Hakkai acted as if no argument had occurred. That was just how Hakkai was. He forgave and forgot. Currently, he was forgetting. Sanzo was the only one who held out a cup for a refill on the beverage. Sanzo could be such an old man at times; it was ridiculous. "And yes, it would be nice if by some miracle we could have our jobs made easier by another 'Sanzo' Party, as long as that didn't interfere with the possibility of our getting decent lodgings along the way." Hakkai was ever-practical in his analysis of the hypothetical situation. For some reason, Gojyo didn't think his emotionally-unstable head-case of a friend really understood the joys of daydreaming…

"But there's no such group, there has never been such a group, nor will there EVER be such a group. We're stuck with each other on this stupid mission. So quit your whining and let me read!" Sanzo's gaze never left his newspaper. The hand that held his cigarette also raised his tea glass to his mouth for the occasional sip. The monk had a talent for letting the wind out of the dream sails. Almost thankfully, Goku didn't really pay attention to Sanzo's order/request.

"What do you think this other group would be like? Would they be like us at all?"

Gojyo snorted as he extinguished his own cigarette and took a swig of beer. "Use that dusty antique you call a brain, monkey boy. Do you honestly think there could ever be a person in this world with such a disposition as that of the Almighty Sanzo?" The kappa narrowly avoided a vicious gunshot. His heartbeat had quickened the pace quit suddenly. "Dammit, Sanzo! One of these days you'll actually hit me and then where would we be?"

"A whole hell of a lot happier." Sanzo grumbled irritably. (A/N: It's sort of hard NOT to grumble irritably, don't you think?)

"That may be, but you'd be sorely lacking in my skills. You'd be up to you tight-ass pants in youkai assassins that you couldn't handle without me around."

"Yes, it's very fortunate that I have your stinking carcass to trip over."

Gojyo ignored the comment and turned his attention back to Goku. "See, Goku? Sanzo's certainly unique in his level of civility. I doubt that such a kindred soul exists out there in this world."

Little did Gojyo know, not only did such a soul exist, but it was currently swearing up a storm and hexing every rock in sight in an expanse of desert not too far from the town.


	4. What's a 'youkai?

**Author's Note: Ohayo! Welcome to Chapter Four! I seem to be getting more reviewers! Thanks so much. This chapter goes to... Lady Threarah. Yep! Thanks for telling me how to set it for an anonymous review! That makes me happy. I especially had to do it after a funny incident where my sister (not knowing that this was MY fanfic) tried to leave a comment, but discovered that there was no way to leave an anonymous review. So, she got herself an account, just to review this story. Later, she told me that she'd gotten one once I'd asked her about it (havingreceived the review and deducted that it was her). She said that some "idiot fan author of this one Saiyuki fanfic didn't allow anonymous reviews." I informed who that "idiot fan author" was. She blushed and laughed.**

**Anyway... thanks to all my lovely reviewers! Please continue! And I hope you like this ficcy!**

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_Little did Gojyo know, not only did such a soul exist, but it was currently swearing up a storm and hexing every rock in sight in an expanse of desert not too far from the town._

"Where the hell am I, Potter? I'm sure that this is all your fault in some way. You got me to agree to a truce so that you could spirit me away to some awful place to roast to death in this god forsaken heat!"

"Malfoy, I may not necessarily want your friendship, but believe me, if I were going to arrange your death, I would do it in a place with a little more class. I respect you. Grudgingly, yes, but the feeling is there… somewhere. Now, if you would stop with the accusations, we'll see what we can do about our current situation." Harry screwed up his eyes against the glaring desert sun. It was hot and bright and black school robes were NOT the best attire to be wearing. He glanced around at the equally displeased and shocked faces of Neville, Ron, and, most assuredly, Draco. A hooting noise nearby caught his attention. He looked up at a blinding spot of white. "Hedwig!" He called out happily. The others looked up to see the owl descend upon them.

"No offense, mate, but how's an owl going to help get us out of the desert?" Ron looked skeptically at the white bird.

"Simple, really." Harry smiled serenely. The others exchanged a nervous glance. That was… unsettling to say the least. But they waited for Harry to explain further. "Hedwig's just told me that there's a town not too far away." The others were definitely concerned now.

"Um, Harry? I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but you do realize that you just claimed that your OWL told you that there was a town nearby?" Neville scrutinized Harry carefully. It wouldn't do to upset someone that could be mentally deranged. He knew from all the yelling from the nurses at St. Mungo's. He'd upset his parents numerous times with disastrous consequences: apparently, one name the Longbottoms still remembered was 'Voldemort'.

Neville had just been casually talking to himself about how Harry had, yet again, defeated Voldemort when his parents launched into a tirade. They ran about screaming about the return of the Dark Lord and how he would come and kill them all. This, in turn, sent off another Ward patient. This patient claimed to be the Dark Lord himself and began yelling at people to follow his bidding. Neville had watched, wide-eyed, as his parents flung themselves at the self-proclaimed Dark Lord and began using plastic drinking straws to try and cast hexes upon the poor man beneath them. Neville, in turn, had been quietly and swiftly escorted out of the hospital for the day.

Since then, the poor boy had been awfully careful around people he suspected might be a little off their rocker.

"Yes, I am aware of that fact, Neville." Harry frowned. "Transportation could be an issue, however. I don't fancy walking in this heat or these robes." Harry sighed and looked at his unexpected companions.

"Now you're talking my language, Potter. So, what do we transfigure?" Malfoy rolled up his sleeves regally, looking around for anything that might suite. His gaze fell upon Hedwig. He arched an eyebrow and a slow smirk spread across his features. "Potter, I do believe I could kiss you for having such a fine animal."

"Ugh! Don't project your fantasies on my best friend, Ferret. That's disgusting." Ron stuck out a tongue and looked a little green.

"Figure of speech, Weasel. Now shut up. Potter, I think I'll need help with this. But only because the heat is affecting my thoughts and abilities." Draco looked expectantly at Harry. The raven-haired teen was busy calming his owl as he made his way over to the blonde.

"Okay, Mal-Draco. Let's get this done quickly. What do we transfigure her into?"

"How about a portkey? Let's get the hell out of here." Ron said, eyeing the landscape warily. "I think the rocks out there are moving."

"The heat's getting to you, Ron." Neville said. "That's absolutely the most ridiculous thing you've said all day, aside from claiming that Harry's going Dark."

"But he could be!" And Ron launched off into an argument with Neville again.

"What do you think the odds of escaping this place without them are?" Draco asked Harry pointedly.

"Not good, I suspect. 'Sides, we don't even know where we are." Harry did have a point. Draco scowled at this realization.

"Harry, wouldn't you agree that Ron's going a bit nutty?" Neville asked suddenly. Ron exploded at this statement, saying that he most certainly HADN'T gone nutty. Draco conjured up another paper fan and beat the two of them within inches of consciousness.

"THANK YOU!" he yelled in exasperation when they shut up.

"You know, a gun would be a little less exhausting." Harry pointed out. Draco considered this for a moment before nodding in agreement.

"There. You like?" He held up a small hand pistol for examination. "But, I think I'll keep the fan, thank you very much. It's nice to hit something every now and then."

Harry shrugged. "Suit yourself, Draco." His gaze fell once again on his distressed owl. "I don't think a portkey will work. We don't know that charm. So… we need some sort of vehicle. Broom's out; we can't fit four of us on one, and that would just be awkward in any case. Carriage? No, we'd need horses or something…" Harry suddenly looked at Draco again. "Can you do a car?"

"Yeah, but why a car? I can't drive." Draco's fan and gun had disappeared, presumably within his black robes.

"Ron can drive." Harry nodded at the redhead who was rubbing his smarting skull.

"There is no way in hell that I will allow a Weasel to drive me to my death, thank you."

"You're no better than me, Ferret. At least I CAN drive!" Ron rallied to the offensive.

"Yeah, but not very well. I heard the rumors of how you crashed the car straight into the Womping Willow." Neville shuddered at the idea of that beastly tree womping him. Ron's response was to turn red. "I can't drive either. Gran always says that I'll hurt myself, or more likely, someone else and the car if I try."

Harry sighed, but forced a smile. "Well, we're in luck, I suppose. I can drive. I 'borrowed' Dudley's car while I was staying with Mrs. Figg last summer. I actually got to the point where I didn't hit anything either." Harry was saying proudly. This did little to comfort anyone else. "And in any case, as Hedwig is MY owl, it only fits that I should be the one to drive the vehicle she transfigures into."

Harry had a point. All of them had a strange suspicion that the bird might try and do something horrid to anyone other than Harry.

"Well, let's get started then." Draco pushed up his sleeves again and he and Harry began collaborating on what type of car they wanted.

"I say a limo."

"Have you SEEN the rocky terrain? It's highly impractical. Besides, I will NOT be your chauffeur." Harry glowered at the blonde.

"Fine. No limo… I demand comfort in any case."

"Settle for comfort later, pansy ass." Came Ron's input. "We need something that will get us to the town, if there is one."

Draco's solution to the problem of the mounting headache caused by the freckled gigantor was to brandish his gun and fire off an experimental shot. Ron's face blanched considerably. He remained silent.

"Well, I suppose that given the rocky, sandy terrain, a vehicle with four-wheel drive would come in handy… anyone object to a Jeep?" Draco looked around, daring anyone to complain. No one objected. "Good. Pot- Harry, let's get to work."

Fifteen minutes and some comical failings later, Harry and Draco had managed to successfully transfigure the snowy white owl into a snowy white Jeep with black leather plush seats, compliments of Draco. Harry rolled his eyes. But he clamored into the driver's seat all the same.

"Okay, let's go." He gestured to the Jeep.

"You know where you're going?" Draco asked, claiming the passenger seat before Neville or Ron even had a chance to claim dibs.

"Vaguely. Hedwig does, however. Right girl?"

The vehicle hooted in reply. Harry beamed happily. The Jeep roared to life and Harry took hold of the wheel. Ron and Neville had barely managed to get into the backseat of the car when Harry shifted into 'drive' and floored it. Sand shot out under their tires and they seemed to go nowhere for a time. Then, quite suddenly, they lurched forward. Harry's passengers clung to parts of the vehicle desperately. Harry laughed. He was enjoying this.

_Dammit, if only I had taken Pansy and Blaise up on their offer of teaching me how to drive! _Draco thought miserably. His next thoughts weren't quite so regretful. _Oh, shit. I think I'm going to be sick! That is if Harry doesn't kill me first with his driving. For the sake of all that is right and Slytherin! Who taught him how to drive!_

All passengers thanked whatever deity above had brought them there in the first place that a town did indeed exist up in the forefront. While they had their eyes closed, they failed to notice a large boulder dropping in their general vicinity. Fortunately, Harry did.

"Argh!"

Three pairs of eyes shot up and soon there were four people screaming as the boulder loomed up in front of them.

"Brake, brake, BRAKE!" Draco yelled. Finally, Harry seemed to get the message and slammed on the brakes. Hedwig hooted irritably, no doubt promising a few bleeding fingers once she was an owl again. They all looked at the boulder in awe.

"Where the HELL did THAT come from?" Neville said, to the surprise of everyone, including himself. He flushed. "Sorry."

"Whatever." Ron replied. "How do we get around this?" He eyed it and then brought forth his wand. "Wingardiem leviosa." He sang out. The boulder shook, trying to obey, but merely rotated in its hole in the ground.

"Brilliant, Weasel." Draco drawled. "Even you should know that something THAT size shouldn't be tackled by a simple spell, but if it is, then it would have to be with a hoard of people."

"Shut it, Ferret."

"Ohayo!" A voice called from someplace high above them. They all looked up into the bright sun and could make out a figure. Thankfully, it leapt down to the dirt in front of their Jeep. "Mister Baldy Sanzo!" it sing-songed. They managed to discern that it was, in fact, female. "Lirin has come for the Maten Scripture again! And this time Lirin will get it!" With a leap, the Hogwarts students found that the girl thing had landed on Draco's shoulders and was searching through his robes with disappointment.

"Get off, would you?" Draco snapped, sliding across the bench seat to sit next to Harry while the girl fell onto the seat next to him.

"Where's the Scripture, Baldy?" The green-eyed, red-haired, pointy-eared girl seemed to see them for the first time. "Oh. You're not Mr. Baldy Sanzo."

"Do I look bald to you?" Draco snapped.

"But, if you're not him, then where is he?"

"How should we know?" Ron asked suddenly. She turned her gaze upon him.

"You people talk funny." Was her only reply. Then her brow furrowed in contemplation. She was muttering about no-good priests.

"Erm, there's a town up ahead. That's where we're headed." Neville offered. He looked hesitantly at Harry. "W-we could give you a ride, if you want. Maybe your Sanzo fellow is there?"

The girl's eyes brightened at this and she smiled broadly. "Yes, please. Lirin has always wanted to ride in Mr. Eye-glass's dragon car, but has never gotten a chance. Is your car a dragon, Mr. Messy Hair?"

Harry blinked dumbly and managed to gather that HE was Mr. Messy Hair. "Uh, no, it's an owl." He said with confusion.

"Really? Lirin has never seen an owl up close before. When we get to town, do you think you could show Lirin?" the girl leaned across Draco and looked pleadingly at Harry.

"Sure…" He glanced warily at Draco. Draco scowled back, but shrugged. Harry returned the shrug and drove off toward the town.

"Is your name Lirin?" Ron asked the girl.

"Yep. Lirin came out to search for Sanzo again to help big brother." She was smiling and looked so cute, almost like an animal.

"What's your brother's name?" Neville asked innocently.

Lirin looked scandalized. "You don't know! That's impossible! EVERYONE knows about Kougaiji. He's the best youkai there is!"

Harry and Draco looked at each other briefly, mouthing the word 'youkai', silently asking each other the meaning.

"What is a-a 'youkai', Lirin?" Harry asked. Lirin, to his embarrassment and discomfort, laughed. She only stopped when she realized she was the only one laughing. She frowned at them.

"You folks are some strange humans to not know about youkai."

"Are they dangerous?" Draco asked immediately, trying to calculate the odds in his head. If he ran, he might get away. If he fought a 'youkai', then he might survive. If he worked with his unexpected comrades, he would definitely survive. What could one youkai do against four teens? However, that option seemed highly unlikely. Gryffindors and Slytherins did NOT get along on principle, no matter the circumstance.

"I'M a youkai." Lirin said, rolling her eyes.

"That doesn't exactly answer the question." Harry said gently.

"Yeah, you nearly dropped a BOULDER on us!" Neville yelled.

"I wouldn't have let it HIT you. I thought you were Sanzo and his group. If I had crushed them, then that would've crushed the scripture and I'd have been in trouble." Lirin pouted.

They rode the remaining distance in silence. When they arrived at the town, they were quick to notice the strange fashions that people seemed to fancy here. Draco spotted someone who looked like an aristocratic snob. That man would do for asking directions.

"Stop here, Harry." He commanded. Harry did as he was told and watched as his blonde companion pushed past Lirin and exited the vehicle, heading straight for the aristocrat with a ridiculously large plumed hat and heavy, draping silk robes of the most ghastly colors. Draco cast a glamour charm on himself and drew himself up to his full height.

"Excuse me, my good sir." Draco bowed to the man he intended to address. The man noticed him, slightly surprised, yet intrigued at this display of manners.

"Can I help you, kid?" The man asked, noting how young Draco appeared.

"Actually, you can. If you could direct me to a place where I might find a map?"

"You lost?"

"More or less, yes. My companions and I," Draco gestured to the white jeep, "happen to find ourselves in unfamiliar territory."

The man's eyes widened and he backed away from Draco. "Y-you ride in one of them iron vehicles. You're the Sanzo Party! You're going to bring hoards of youkai down upon us all!" He ran off in the opposite direction. Draco stood staring at the empty space where the man had been. He got the suspicion that most people didn't like youkai or the Sanzo Party for their association with youkai. He puzzled over this latest development as he entered the car. Harry fought not to laugh.

"Lirin, does the Sanzo Party get along with the youkai?"

"Nope. Not at all." Lirin said happily, forgetting momentarily that Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku were all technically classified as youkai. "Most youkai are out to get Baldy and his friends. Folks tend to shy away from them for that reason. The youkai follow them everywhere and tend to cause a lot of destruction."

"Ah." Draco wasn't pleased by this news. It really didn't make sense to him that he kept being mistaken for a priest. "What does this Sanzo look like?"

"Well… he's blonde and he's got purple droopy eyes. And he wears white robes. If I'd been paying proper attention, I never would've thought you were him. You're wearing black."

Harry spotted a red-haired man carrying a load of paper bags down the street in a hurry. "Hey! Mister!"

The man looked up, slightly astonished to see a jeep there. His cigarette fell to the ground and extinguished.

"If you can give us directions to an inn, we'd be happy to take you to your destination!" Harry called out. The redhead approached cautiously. No one noticed that Lirin had disappeared, nor would they have cared.

"Actually, I'm staying at an inn with some colleagues. There's still vacancy, if you're interested."

"Thank you very much." Harry smiled warmly at the man, his emerald eyes sparkling.

_Damn! That kid looks a lot like Hakkai. But I thought Hakkai never had kids… Whatever…_ Gojyo climbed into the empty bed of the jeep and directed Harry to the inn, groaning as he soon realized that the black-haired kid not only looked like his best friend, but actually drove WORSE than him. Finally, Harry parked the white jeep next to a green one. Gojyo hopped out and waited for his momentary friends.


	5. No Mere Sticks

**Author's Note: Ohayo! Sorry for the wait, ne? Ahahaha... Yes... Well, I'm back. But postings will be slower again with school starting up tomorrow. :sighs: Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to Karumi nyumi (did I get your name right, hon?), my self-proclaimed 'biggest fan'. Thanks so much for that endorsement! Hahaha! Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**It has been pointed out to me that I should be wary of making the HP characters too much like the Saiyuki boys. Dually noted. It won't be done, so fear not! I love both sets too much to do that. I just needed to tweak them a little bit. Anyway... this chapter has been in progress for WEEKS, heck, maybe even a month... Oops. O**

**Sorry that it's so short, I guess. But, I do what I can. I figured a little is better than nothing at all, right guys?**

**Oh, and to Hikaru, I think it was, I'm not going to make this one a Sanzo x Goku fic, but if you want me to write you one, just let me know and I'll do it, okay? That goes for any of you. If you have specific requests for stories, just tell me what you want. **

"Harry," Neville asked in a hushed whisper, "do you think we can trust this guy? And even if we can, how are we supposed to pay for this inn?"

"Never fear! A Malfoy ALWAYS comes prepared!" Draco produced a wallet with a fine array of credit cards. Gojyo whistled in appreciation.

"Gojyo! You lazy, lame-ass excuse for a half-youkai! You better not have forgotten my cigarettes in favor of flirting with some broad!" A thunderous voice surrounded them. All five of them gulped in anticipation. Suddenly, a relatively tall, blonde-haired man wearing creamy-white robes, a strange looking vest (that Draco noted was highly tacky, words not included), and brandishing a gun appeared. Draco noticed that the man had drooping purple eyes and a slightly high peak in his hairline just to the left of the center of his forehead. _Ah, the bald spot…_ he thought to himself, _this must be that Sanzo priest guy I'm supposed to look like._ Sanzo noticed that while Gojyo wasn't alone, it at least wasn't a woman.

He stared at Draco as the most likely leader. It was, in his experience, respectable blondes that led most successful groups. _Not that my group was being terribly successful at present…_he thought sourly. Draco stared back at him with quicksilver eyes.

"Gojyo, who the hell are these morons?" Sanzo asked after a moment, never taking his eyes of Draco.

"Don't know. They gave me a lift in their jeep." Gojyo pointed at the white jeep parked next to the green one. The cars appeared to be conversing if the chirps and hoots were anything to go off of.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to take rides from strangers?" Sanzo snapped. Gojyo cringed. Harry and Neville were the only ones to notice, being the only ones in their group who knew what it felt like to NOT have a mother.

"Excuse me, but I think that's a rather sensitive subject for Mr. Gojyo." Harry said politely. Sanzo's attention fell on him.

"Holy shit! Hakkai!" He bellowed. A muffled 'yes?' came from inside. "You better not have had kids at ANY point in time!"

The gently firm tenor voice grew louder as it replied, "And if I had?"

"I'd kill you for giving me a heart attack right about now. And then, I'd drag your sorry ass BACK out of hell and kill you again!" Sanzo's voice didn't lower in volume, a fact that everyone noticed painfully.

"Why on earth would you think that I'd had- oh." Hakkai had just joined everyone else outside, coming face to face with what looked like a perfect reincarnation of him, except that the kid had black hair instead of chocolate-brown. "Well, it looks like we have company, eh, Sanzo?" Hakkai smiled warmly and laughed. Harry found he rather liked this man.

"You don't know this kid?" Sanzo sounded skeptical.

"I swear to you on the life that you restored to me, Sanzo: I have never seen this boy before."

"Sanzoooo!" A whiny voice suddenly breached the barrier of all things sane and a wild-haired, golden-eyed boy appeared. "I'm hungryyy! Is Gojyo back yet?"

"I'm over here, you heinous excuse for a monkey!" (1) Gojyo threw an apple at Goku. It bounced off his head. Goku caught it before it hit the ground.

"Hey, you asswipe! Don't let food go to waste like that!" He took a huge bite out of the fruit. Finally, he seemed to notice that there were other people than his usual companions. "Whorthisguysh?" He asked through the bite that he was chewing.

Sanzo promptly hit the monkey king upside the head with the fan. "You stupid monkey! Can't you at least not talk with your mouthful when we've got company? I swear, you jerks ruin my reputation daily." (A/N: remember that episode of Saiyuki guys?)

Draco smiled. He liked this man. He had class, albeit not when it came to clothing apparently, but he had class all the same. And he knew just how to deal with idiots. It might be all right being mistaken for this man. Sanzo turned to Gojyo and dug through a paper bag until he found a small cardboard box. He sighed in satisfaction, removing a cancer stick and lighting up.

"Those are bad for your health." Harry and Hakkai said as one. Sanzo shot them both an icy glare. Silence fell awkwardly, like a baby blanket that you were trying to sneak out to the dumpster, but instead dropped in the middle of a hallway filled with people you know will ridicule you for the rest of your life for having kept it that long.

"So," Sanzo said after an eternity. "Who are you idiots, where did you come from, and why the hell are you here?"

"Forgive us, oh _mighty_ Sanzo." Draco drawled. Sanzo arched an eyebrow at the kid. With that attitude, the kid could one day make a fine replacement to his title of the badass monk. "We didn't know that we'd be intruding upon your company. If we had, we might've chosen to kidnap this youkai companion of yours and ask for a ransom." Draco gestured at Gojyo, who he vaguely remembered Sanzo referring to as a half-youkai. Even so, the redhead didn't seem like a bad youkai. Not like that Lirin girl…

Goku laughed hysterically at this. "Kidnap Gojyo? Oh, that's rich! First of all, we don't have money to pay for him, and second of all… we wouldn't pay to get him back anyway!"

"Can it, monkey!" Gojyo punched Goku sharply.

"Who said I'd want money?" Draco asked in irritation. "I was thinking of something a little more… valuable. Say… the Maten Scripture?"

The four members of the Sanzo party froze. _Could these guys be working for Kougaiji?_ Gojyo and Goku immediately prepared for battle. Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged a knowing glance. First, it would be beneficial to find out if these kids even knew what the scripture was.

"Really? If you can find it, you can take it." Sanzo secretly pulled out his gun, hiding it in his sleeve as he let his arms hang loose. Gojyo and Goku gaped in shock, weapons dropping to the ground.

"Draco, what are you doing?" Harry hissed in annoyance. "Forgive him. We're new around here and he's an idiot. We don't want your scripture. Really."

"Yes, we do." Draco hissed back, drawing his wand. Harry drew his wand in a flash. They circled each other.

"Um, Sanzo?" Goku asked curiously. "Why are they fighting with sticks?"

In a flash, Neville and Ron had pointed their wands at Goku. "Say that again, monkey boy." Ron's voice was low and dangerous. Goku's face was surprised, followed by a growing irritation.

"Don't call me that! I'm not a monkey!" Goku brought forth his staff (A/N: That Nyo-boi, or whatever the crap it's called…) He'd been itching for a fight for a long time. Kougaiji hadn't shown up in a while… it was sort of boring without him. "If that's not a stick, then why don't you show me what it can do? Or are you too scared?" Goku's voice was taunting, enjoying the prospect of a fight. He only hoped that he didn't make himself hungry again for no reason.

"Bring it on! Neville, I'll take care of him." Ron pushed Neville to the side. "See if you can't get Malfoy and Harry to stop fighting each other."

Neville nodded dumbly and turned his attention on the other two in his group, who had finally started casting spells at each other. He didn't want to get in the middle of that. He could still remember First Year when Malfoy had put the Leg-Lock hex on him. Malfoy's magic was potent stuff, but then he recalled Harry at the Department of Mysteries. Harry was definitely a powerful wizard, too. Yep, the middle of that duel was someplace he definitely did not want to be. He opted for staring at them with Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo.

Goku, who'd been calling out to Sanzo to keep an eye on Neville for the last three minutes, finally noticed that everyone's attention was diverted to the newcomers. Lights and flashes and explosions barraged the onlookers. For those of the Sanzo party, this was something that they had never witnessed before. These boys knew magic, and they knew it well. In between hexes and curses, Harry and Draco argued over the Scripture that hung around Sanzo's shoulders. The blonde priest wondered vaguely if he should be at all concerned for the safety of his remaining inheritance from his master. His grip tightened on the gun. Just in case.

"We don't know what that Scripture does, Malfoy. And why do you want it? We want to get home, remember? How does taking this do us any favors?"

"Come on, if we can get it to that Lirin girl or her brother Kougaiji, what do you think the odds are that we'll end up on the wrong side of the youkai are? From the reactions of the villagers, youkai are dangerous."

"One of THEM is a youkai." Harry pointed at Gojyo, sidestepping a Bat-Bogey Hex (A/N: I really can't remember for the life of me what that does, but I know that it's something to avoid… ).

"Actually," Hakkai spoke up a little hesitantly. Draco and Harry paused in their argument to glare at the monocled man. "If you want to get technical, then three of us are youkai." He gave a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his head, as if to sooth a smack from an unseen assailant before it even fell. Draco, Harry, Ron, and Neville stared. They followed Hakkai's gesture as he pointed to Gojyo, himself, and then Goku.

"Figures that HE'S a youkai…" Ron muttered to himself.

Draco snapped at him. "As if we even really know what they are!"

"Okay, okay. I get the point. No need to get your knickers in a twist." Ron held up his hands defensively, forgotten wand still in his hand.

Sanzo hadn't been paying attention to most of this. The only words he had heard were Lirin and Kougaiji. _Oh, surely not! These bastards hadn't...?_

"Ohayo, Mister Baldy, Mister Monkey, Mister Eye-Glass, and Mister Cockroach!" Lirin's voice echoed loudly from above them. Eight pairs of eyes looked upwards with a universal groan. "And hello strange foreigners."

Suddenly, Sanzo realized that these kids had, much to his dismay and anticipated dread, met up with Lirin and led the annoying demon girl right to them. His fingers twitched on the gun. Five bullets were all he needed… the four strange, magic boys and Lirin. Just five little bullets… and for his seemingly-magically-refilling banishing gun, five bullets was peanuts, easy, nothing. He used up five bullets an hour just threatening Gojyo and Goku to shut up. Thankfully, Sanzo was much smarter than to actually shoot Lirin, even as she now perched upon his shoulders, tugging at his supposedly thinning hair. An angry Kougaiji on his ass was NOT something he needed right now.

"Can't you find a chair somewhere?" Sanzo lamented, trying unsuccessfully to tip the girl backward off his shoulders.

"Uh-uh. Not unless you give me the Scripture." Lirin closed her eyes and grinned in a very catlike manner.

"Miss Lirin, you are sitting on it. And in case you are unfamiliar with the basic principles of physics, your weight pressing down on it creates more force than your arms could generate to pull it out from underneath yourself and off of Sanzo's shoulders without harming it." Hakkai smiled warmly, pointing at the Scripture, hanging around Sanzo's shoulders, barely peeking out from underneath Lirin. Lirin shifted around, trying to see the Scripture a little more easily. (A/N: Anyone wonder why she doesn't just yank it off his shoulders instead of sitting on him?)

The four teens from the other dimension followed Hakkai's pointing. They gaped. That tacky, lame vest was the Scripture. Draco's face wrinkled. There was no way he really wanted _that _thing in his presence. Ugh! It was distasteful… Draco mulled over the possibilities of where that thing had actually been and it occurred to him that if a lot of people wanted it, then maybe he could sell it on eBay when he got home. It seemed like something fangirls would jump at to own.

"You guys gonna actually do anything about this thing on my shoulders?" Sanzo snapped irritably.

"Which? The Scripture, the youkai girl, or that chip that you seem to be harboring for as-of-yet unexplained reasons?" Gojyo never could resist a chance to be a smartass. Unfortunately, Sanzo never could resist a chance to shoot at him. As the Banishing Gun was leveled in his direction while Sanzo kept one hand on Lirin, still trying to push her off, the weapon, Sanzo, and Lirin suddenly went flying at a cry of 'Expelliarmus!'

The gun landed in an outstretched palm and Sanzo wound up in a somewhat compromising position on top of Lirin.

"See? What'd I tell you?" Gojyo crowed victoriously. "Goku may be her size, Hakkai may be good with children, and while I'm good with women, she's Sanzo's girlfriend!"

Hakkai wasn't paying attention. Instead, he was paying attention to his 'mini-me' that was holding the gun and, once again, arguing with that blonde. Logically, what he had just witnessed shouldn't have happened; it couldn't have happened. And yet, it had happened. What was the world coming to when kids no older than Goku who were clearly human had strange abilities that were channeled through a piece of wood? Sure, Sanzo was, for all intents and purposes and contrary to most beliefs, human and had usage of holy magic, but how many things could that Scripture really do?

"Excuse me, uh, kid, but could I see that stick?" Hakkai asked Harry politely. Harry looked at him blankly, accidentally pointing the gun at him. Hakkai flinched, knowing the full extent of the weapon. He hadn't been on this end of the Banishing Gun since Sanzo had arrested him at the time when he still went by Cho Gonou.

"Huh? Oh, my wand? I guess so, but I doubt you'll find it useful at all. And my name is Harry." Harry held out his wand for the slender man to take. Hakkai took it gingerly, as if expecting it to fling him around as well.

"Harry? What a weird name…" Hakkai mused, thinking over the origins of such a strange-sounding name. "British… usually short for Harrison or Harold." Hakkai began his examination of the mysterious piece of holly wood. He could feel its magical presence, just as he could feel the magical presence around the four intruders. But it wasn't youkai or malicious, just… different. He examined the 11 ½ inches of well-worn stick, trying to figure out how one made it work. His research was interrupted when blazing fire surrounded them all in a circle.

"Ah, shit!" Goku cried, leaping into battle stance. "Kougaiji decided to pay us a visit!" He announced quite unnecessarily. Ron and Neville followed Goku's lead. After all, who were they to question someone who obviously knew the area better than they did? If Goku was ready to fight, then they should be, too.

Into their midst dropped three figures, one with long, flowing tendrils of crimson hair. He wore immaculate khaki pants and an open vest. His ears were long and pointed and he bore a dark mark on his face like a patch of flames. (A/N: Haha… Dark Mark…) He strode fiercely over to where Sanzo was busy trying to wrestle Lirin away from the Maten Scripture, looming over her slightly. Both participants stopped when Kougaiji's shadow loomed over them. Sanzo slowly looked up at his arch-nemesis/rival person who seemed to enjoy saving his ass more often than not.

"Sanzo," Kougaiji ground his teeth. "A union of my family with yours is not something I want. So kindly remove yourself from my sister, or I will do it for you."

"Yeah, yeah, your Highness. Tell the kid to let go of me, and I'll be outside a five foot radius before you can summon the demon of darkness to your side."

Kougaiji glowered, but the scene before him told him that Lirin was, in fact, not letting go of Sanzo. He rolled his purple eyes and hauled Sanzo to his feet by the back of the robes, resisting the urge to snatch away the Scripture as he did so. That would've been too easy. Once Sanzo was intently digging in his ear with his pinky next to Gojyo, Kougaiji helped Lirin stand up.

"You really have to stop running off, Lirin." Kougaiji looked at her sternly, voice commanding.

"Lirin is sorry." Lirin hung her head, ashamed. Kougaiji's eyes softened imperceptibly.

Harry, Draco, Ron, and Neville stood gaping. When were they going to wake up from this god-awful dream? Hakkai had resumed inspecting the wood, not at all fazed by the fact that there were three other youkai around that had a habit of fighting him. An ample-chested, purple-haired demon woman sidled over to Hakkai. Ron stared at her, eyes nearly popping out of his skull. _What would Hermione look like in a thing like that?_ He wondered devilishly. Drool began to slide out the side of his mouth and blood ran from his nose. Neville looked at him disgustedly.

"Get a hold of yourself, Ron." He muttered. Ron instinctively reached for himself. "Not like _that_, you idiot! Merlin, we're in _public_!" Neville grabbed Ron's free hand and gave a sharp twist. Ron snapped out of his daze.

"Huh?" he asked Neville, who had let go of Ron again. "What's going on? Why do I have a bloody nose? Did someone hit me after hexing me or something?"

Neville shook his head. "You're hopeless."

Goku, nearby, sniggered. "Hey, he'll get along great with that stupid, pervy, erokappa."

Neville raised an eyebrow, but smiled in return. "My name's Neville." He extended his hand for Goku to shake. Goku stared at the slightly pudgy boy intently. He had never had someone so willingly offer friendship to him without knowing a thing about him. (Gojyo and Hakkai didn't count because Sanzo had practically forced Goku on them, and Sanzo was definitely not in that category because Sanzo had found him and yelled at him to 'shut the hell up.') Smiling hesitantly, he accepted the proffered hand.

"Goku. It's nice to meet you. Can you do what that other guy did with your stick?" Goku's gaze rested on Neville's wand.

"Uh, yeah. That was a more basic spell. All of us here go to a school that trains you how to use your power. We're all born with it naturally. The blonde, Malfoy, Ron, that redhead, and I are all what you'd call purebloods, not that that really means much anymore. There's a lot of people, like Harry, that guy with green eyes and black hair, who are half-bloods or who don't even come from magic families at all."

Goku nodded his understanding. "So, is Malfoy that guy's real name?"

"Yes, do you think my name's funny?" Draco had strolled over to the conversation, having heard his name mentioned. He assumed that, since they were discussing him to some degree, then it must be an important conversation worthy of his attention.

"Not really."

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to A.K. you." Draco smirked and gradually pocketed his wand again. His own companions knew that A.K. meant 'Avada Kedavra', the killing curse. No one else knew what it meant, but it didn't sound like something they wanted to be on the receiving end of.

"And then I'd have to hit you for doing something to the monkey." Gojyo, still carrying his own weapon sidled over to them. "I've got first dibs on killing him." He added with a wink.

"As if, water wimp." Goku snarled.

A full round of bickering started up. Draco examined his fingernails intently. This could get old really fast. He didn't even move when a bullet whizzed by him, narrowly missing the two combating youkai. He just waited. The argument had stopped. He glanced at the targets of the bullet. Still alive. Damn. Either that monk had really bad aim or he didn't have the heart to shoot them. Such loyalty to lesser beings was pointless. Surely someone like this Sanzo could find better flunkies… As a Malfoy, he would've destroyed such distasteful companions.

Author's Closing Note:

(1) I read this same sort of insult in a fanfic author's story here. I can't remember the author's name at the moment b/c it was a HP fiction, and I read about 25 of them currently... But it's in one where Draco and Harry are mates cuz D's a Veela and he's writing to Tonks, his cousin, and he calls her a heinous excuse of a cousin.


End file.
